How I dotheth suckethetheth


I’ve stumbled upon a life-altering epiphany.  I am a jerk to men.  Never in the history of jerkdom, has a woman been so successful at being a jerk.  I think it’s entirely due to the fact that I operate with a male mind.  For the most part.  I grew up playing tackle football, jumping off of rooftops and killing snails with salt.  Then, I decide to become a military police officer.  Do you notice the problematic pattern here?  This jerkishness is so embedded in my psyche that I don’t notice what I am doing until it is all said and done and I’m suffering from the repercussions pure jerkishness can only inspire.  On the surface, it seems quite trivial to me (except for the unreturned phone calls and icy demeanor when I feel as though I’ve had enough), but I have noticed merely mentioning being interested in another man incites retaliatory behavior known to be best carried out by boys.  It doesn’t matter how old the man is.  Within the past week, I have incited male jerkdom from a 35-year-old and a 60-year-old.  Apparently, there isn’t an age limit on jealousy-inspired boyish-jerkdom.  I think if a man is 99 with all but his left pinky toe in the grave, he will STILL be capable of acting like a 16-year-old boy that got his feelings hurt.  Ho hum…from this day forward, I am making a valid attempt at being nicer to men.  I think the retaliatory one-upping hurts more than my lackadaisical regard for men’s feelings.  Then again, I am only standing in my own shoes. 

I have also realized that I have not been in a relationship that lasted longer than three months.  I was married for 7 years, but I tried to jump ship 5 months into that.  For me, the love lasted for a total of 9 months.  Being pregnant and living in Germany and him begging me to stay, are what kept me in the marriage.  Otherwise, it would have been the same story.  I tried counseling, but he thought it was a dumb idea.  I grew up without a father and the moment I sense father-like control or any type of disrespect, I’m gone on the next flight out.  No questions, no chances.  I realize this long trail of failed relationships is not beneficial to me or the men I have been involved with.  Yes, I suckethetheth…I admit it.  However, I am changing.  Being nice may feel weird at first, but I’m sure it’ll start feeling good before I realize it.  Wish me luck! 😉 

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